Thanks for a hell of year
I will always be a geek, but people change
People change. But, before I get started this is my last blog post of the year, and I want to say thank you for all the support that you all have shown me this year with sharing my music, reading these blogs, buying merchandise, and opening my e-mails. It means the world to me and I wouldn’t be this far without you.
I’m writing this because I feel like there are a lot of people who identify me as a nerd-core rapper and gamer, mostly because of Geek Street Society or, my catalog has a lot of those references in it.
I am very much a geek still but if I were to be completely honest, after the experiences I’ve been through in my life that part of me has changed. I will always be a gamer, but people change…life changes people. A lot of people don’t know me before I was Chayne Clouds.
I changed my life once I had my children after a couple near death situations. I realized I didn’t want that as my lifestyle any longer. People didn’t want to accept that I wanted to do better and I was labeled as square. I was the kid that was into Pokemon and Dragonball Z but I’m very athletic and I also know what it’s like living that life.
Fitting in is something I don’t do, instead, I prefer to create the mold. I had to create my own lane and I did it with GSS. My confession is that GSS also started because I also felt very hindered artistically. I became afraid to say exactly what was on my mind in my music because I didn’t want to hurt those I cared for. I tried to use the nerd side of life as an outlet for what I was internalizing.
Fitting in is something I don’t do, instead, I prefer to create the mold.
I suppressed my true feelings and started writing what people would call nerd-core hip-hop as a way to express myself. It’s a terrible feeling to feel like you have to second guess the person you are because you don’t want to hurt people.
A few years back, I lived in Texas and I began to remember why I write, and why I make music. I make music for me because it helps me heal. I don’t do it for fame, I don’t do it for money, I do it because I know it helps people not feel alone so I share my experiences with the world.
On Christmas, I got Pokemon as a gift. This is the first time I have played any video games in several years. I’ve had to rebuild my life and haven’t had time for video games. I lost so much and I went through several different stages of hurt.
The lessons I’ve learned have changed my heart. I will always be a gamer, but life has changed me. In some ways for the better, in other ways worse. I feel hatred, I feel happiness, I feel growth, I feel love but most importantly I feel again and for a long time, it felt like I forgot how to feel. Having everyone tell you how lucky, and how blessed I was but deep down I was depressed, miserable, and frustrated.
I feel hatred, I feel happiness, I feel growth, I feel love but most importantly I feel again
My new music will not be the gamer Chayne Clouds that most of you are familiar with. I have a story to tell and in my story, that part of me is long gone. I don’t know for how long, but I see it as a chapter in my life now. Geek Street won’t be the same as it was.
The man I am is not the same. I remember how it feels to stand up for myself. I’ve learned what it means to not compromise yourself and be a pushover to everyone afraid of conflict. That’s not me and I allowed the judgement of others to suppress who I am.
I am unapologetic in being me and walking in my truth
My hearts been hurt, the way I see life is totally different, the way I see people has completely changed. How I carry myself is different. It’s better to accept that people change. In some ways, the old me has resurfaced but with the experience of “new me”. I don’t go out of my way and trust is always earned first with me. All the things I’m writing about now will be a reflection on life and how life has changed the way I see things.
I am unapologetic in being me and walking in my truth. I’m a geek and I always will be but, people change and life changes people. I’m excited to make my music without apology and without fear and share it with the world. Always remember to love yourself first. No one will ever be able to love you better than the way you, can love you.
If you enjoy my writing make sure to join my mailing list, I’m going to be giving away 250 #TeamClouds wristbands to the first people who e-mail their mailing address to send it to. Type your e-mail in the box below and when you get a newsletter e-mail, reply with your address. (Check your spam folder just in case) and if you’re a fan then you’re gonna want to get your merch early. Shop
- Moving on with my life and leaving the past in the past
- I am the best rapper of 2020, get to know me